Crap! The shift is fucking deceiving. I look so fucking chipper now than I did a microsecond ago. This is becoming me. Deviens se que tu es. A craven attempt to sound intellectual. Failed. A non-Kaye moment is badly needed. I need to fill a hungry stomach and a hungry mind lusting for motivation. Got any? Got coke? Coke really. Is it sexier to use s instead of z in spelling out the word globalisation? Depends on who uses it right? This is a sick generation. We complain about “too much” work to be done. I mean, are we really even working our asses off? Yeah right! Like your Gundam didn’t come in one piece! Independence is really in dependence. Incomplete thought you say? Complete it! What am I raving about here? I can’t have coke light for 5 days! That’s it. This is suffering. MY kind of suffering. Now, don’t you go pointing that finger of yours in my face.

Need something productive and introspective to do this Lenten season? Wanna get in touch with that lazy alter-ego? Try Pre-association writing. Just right down whatever comes to your mind. Tickle the subconscious baby! Does it work? Figure it out for yourself just this once! For chrissake! We are fucking annoying!

CONVERSATION AT DXH553

Life says, "Experience is the best teacher."

Anansi says, "I am a terrible student."

Life says, "Happiness is a choice."

Anansi says, "I am bad with choices. I have oncological indecisiveness. Case basis."

Life says, "I am good."

Anansi says, "I don't have you."

Life says, "You're a tough ass!"

Anansi: "So are you!

Life: FuCK OFF! I am so tired of being likeable! I want to be respected!

mga bagay na para asa akin ay madaling paghandaan:
1. maghanda ng gamit na kailangan sa school para bukas
2. uhmmm......
parang wala na. bagay lang pala hindi mga bagay. yun eh kung hindi pa ko tinatamad. inaatake na naman ako ng katamaran. bisyo ko na ang maging tamad. pero hindi ibig sabihin non eh wala kong pinagkakaabalahan. gusto kong nag-iisip. hindi ako nagyayabang. gago lang ang hidi nag-iisip. sa pagsusulat lang ako hindi tinatamad. lalo na kung hindi nagrarambulan yung mga gusto kong sabihin.

bakit ko nga pala naisulat to? kasi naman may malaki akong pinaghahandaan. ano? pinaghahandaan ko ang "sinakluban-ako-ng-mundo" scene ng nanay at tatay ko pag isinambulat ko na sa kanila na iba ang plano ko sa buhay. hindi ko kasi maramdaman ang tawag ng laman na magtrabaho sa isang "magandang" opisina. kailangan ko ng pera. pero hindi ako mukhang pera. naku, mahaba-habang inuman to. i might need an iron bayag for this one. ang problema wala akong bayag. siguro kaya ang tatapang ng mga kalalakihan. they have the bayag plus dalawa pa ulo nila. two heads are better than one ika nga. ang akin lang naman eh bakit ko naman hahayaang patayin ko ang sarili sa paggawa ng bagay na tinuturing ng society na tama at maganda. pero, alam mo, etong deviant behavior na to. malamang dikta din to ng society. more specifically, ng pagkakataon. sshhh. wag ka maingay. underground psychology lang yan.

tanong mo kung bakit naka-italicize yung bayag? akala ko kasi nung una eh nasa ingles yung isinusulat ko. hindi ako nagpapapansin. ayoko ng baguhin. mababahiran lang.

kailangan ko ng makaalis. nagmamakaawa ako....

[personal] naiingit ako kine ghebie at eric, at kay cath
[less personal] nakakaiingit sina ghebie at eric, at si cath
[non-personal] yun lang.

noezep with yknowwhat

15DecDosmilcinco

a really troubling conversation..

anansi to kaye: thanks for the time
kaye to anansi: sure. its a little tight but hey youre not expecting anybody else to listen to
your shit right?
(both gives a familiar personal laugh)
anansi: i know. i mean, everybody thinks im crazy. like you said before, it could all be
psychosocial but i think ours is fucked up case of overgeneralization. the
two fallacies in logic together in the same room
kaye: ours? ikaw lang. but i get you.
anansi: youre so in fucking denial. and here i am thinking ima get something fucking healthy
from you!
kaye: you hate me now? im not in denial. i just dont get me. really. whats that your smoking?
anansi: neozep with yknow what.
kaye: what for?
anansi: for feeling the same way that you do
kaye: happy? so youre happy!
anansi: not funny.
kaye: i know. its not funny when i lie about that
anansi: i really feel ugly and alone, kaye.
kaye: i can see that
anansi: when youre pretty and lonely expect to attract somebody but when youre sad and ugly
youre getting no fairytale version of this story.
kaye: you have my words
anansi: ladies and gent, welcome to the flat affect therapy show!
kaye: haha. im sorry. you sucked out all the beauty in me.
anansi: want a high?
kaye: im enjoying this all time low.
anansi: no. check this out!
(removes shirt)
kaye: holy freak! what is that?! fuck you! fuck you twice! fuck you thrice!
anansi: now thats more like you.*grin*
kayE: why? *still-in-tranfixed-face*
anansi: every scar represents every aching hour.
kaye: youre talented. i love you.
anasi: yah. thats my name right there. see, this one is still fresh. it hurts to the bone! but im
loving it.
kaye: do me!
anansi: im tired kaye.
kaye: so am i.
- ana, please. not in front of me.
anansi: sorry. dont forget my tribute.
kaye: yah. i love you.
anansi: show it.
(kaye gives anansi the finger)

i know you're fed up
i have repetitive tendencies
please please
i beg thee
to purchase another pack of patience and understanding

im fed up myself
you have repetitive tendencies
please please
i know you're begging me
to purchase another pack of patience and understanding

and that is what keeps us together

im sorry....

miss, isang bulok na mango shake nga po.

drinking session at my place, on the 31st. whats in store: gin and tea. ya dig?
i stare and gaze and leer. all with envy.
break free
crucify the insincere!

october 21, 2005 is the greatest day i've ever known
nothing so special
i just think that i have been presented the solution to my seemingly perpetual battle with sadness caused by incarceration of some sort. but i won't say what I think it is. you might interfere.
introspective.
there is no money in philosophy. with or without it the world will remain the same so why study it? if you're purpose is money...that is bullshit. so where do you reside? do you even know what reside is? is your father told you
excuse me. random thoughts.

c&r: bakit ngayon lang kayo?
x: may pinag-usapan lang kami. eh kayo?
c:may pinag-usapan din kami pero professional yung samin ewan ko yung sa inyo
y: professional yon
c: steady na kayo?
x&y refuses to answer pero nangusap ang kanilang mga mukha
c: kamusta naman kayo?
x&y tahimik pa rin
c: iba kasi iniisip niyo eh
y: you're insane man!
x: wala kasing category yung tanong mo
c: goodluck y! una na kami
r: ingat kayo
x: ingat
y: im sorry i had to put you in such a situation
x: i don't mind

nahuli ko ng pulis. jaywalking. kinuha yung i.d. ko tas naghintay ng sampung minuto bago ibalik sa kin. balak palang i-surrender sa d.o. mga sampung minuto rin akong hindi nagsalita. mali ako. hinayaan ko siyang namnamin ang moment na yon. naawa sa kin kaya hindi na ipinalagay sa record. hindi na po mauulit. pero bakit po yung isang nag-jaywalking din hindi niyo hinuli? kayo po ah! type nyo po ba ko?

i am such a sucker for love. i fall in love with almost every guy who gives me even the slightest bit attention. does that make me kulang sa pansin? no. i don't think so. i'm simply loving. i get entertained from seeing people pay attention to me. it kills me when they listen attentively. seryoso. naglalakad ako mag-isa tas biglang sabi nung lalakeng nakasalubong ko 'astig!'. yayakapin ko sana. syempre. i was wearing my self. yabang ko. and my deadkidsongs shirt. anybody who is suicidal and rebellious would think its astig. i think.

i wanna meet rivers cuomo. badly.

stiill longing for india.